Commercial Logic Ltd
A few weeks ago I was delivering a workshop with directors and senior managers and we were discussing leadership vulnerability. As we worked on a resolution to that issue, I discovered an insight to another key question, how leaders can deepen their connection so that followers want to listen.
The topic of leader vulnerability had arisen from Lencioni’s “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”. One of the dysfunctions Lencioni identifies, is where team members are not able show vulnerability. How then, does the leader in any team, create a culture where members feel safe to be vulnerable?
The conversation went to various possibilities and the most widely agreed upon was that the leader had to show vulnerability themselves. The leader is best able to influence when they walk the talk. Yet, how would the leader be able to do this?
There are significant risks to be faced as a leader when revealing vulnerability. Reveal too much and you can lose credibility. Reveal too little and you are perceived as not walking your talk.
We struggled in our discussion to come up with clear criteria for an appropriate expression of vulnerability.
In the subsequent sessions, I explored the vulnerability question through testing my own vulnerability in leading the group. I shared more of my own experiences, revealing my own vulnerability at different levels. I used self-deprecating humour. I was even more transparent about what I was thinking and feeling, revealing more of my emotions. Then I discovered something that really surprised me. What made the most difference, was not what I revealed explicitly to the group, it was what I accepted and acknowledged about myself, to myself.
One of the fears I experienced is probably felt by many of those who perform a leadership role. It is a sense of not being in control, and particularly when achievement of the outcome is dependent upon other people. If other people in the team do not like what you are saying or doing, they will not follow you willingly. If other people in the organisation have different priorities, your project will not progress. It was this fear that I found the most unexpectedly useful.
In one of the sessions, I noticed this fear particularly strongly. I felt disconnected from the outcome. The outcome was not in my control, yet I felt personally responsible for the result, at least, my performance was measured upon it.
In the context of exploring vulnerability, I decided to acknowledge this sense of lacking control and just accept it. I let go of needing the control. Amazing possibilities then appeared with some wonderful learning.
Having let go of the control, I was more dependent upon the group. I discovered my role became even more about building collaboration. I asked different questions. I listened differently. I allowed the group to see that I needed them and the group responded. They collaborated. Trust grew. They opened up and became more vulnerable too. We laughed, had more fun, created together and exceeded the required outcome. Within a short time we had created a high performing team and doing that is always wonderful to experience.
Reflecting back on what happened, I realised that not only did the group open up more , they listened so much more to what I was saying. Testing this experience in other contexts, I discovered the importance of letting go of control in many contexts for communicating. I learnt that effective communication is more about engaging other parties in willing collaboration rather than about knowing how to deliver messages.
This is the learning for me then, letting go of control increases the need for collaboration. When leaders let go of control, they connect more deeply through collaboration and their followers are much more likely to listen. Wow, let me know if it works for you!